ABSOCELLIBATOR

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Over the past two weeks, a bloggermacher doing business as Absolute Celibacy has been spreading enlightenment and wonderful advice regarding procreation.

SEE SITE HERE: http://absolutecelibacy.blogspot.com/

I am his (her?) most devoted fan - well, second to a gentleman (or gentlelady) who signs comments as "celibacy supporter". Who appears to have escaped fromChristianity into a private Jewish world. We all need an escape hatch.

So, in order that the message trumpeted by Absolute Celibacy be preserved and furthered, I have created this blog. Think of it as a tribute.
[Also insurance - some of my other favourite blogs have disappeared, and I well remember the panic that drenched our oilam when the Godol Hador ( http://godolhador.blogspot.com/ )vanished.]

And please also note that this site is far from complete - I'll be twiddling with the type and spacing over the next few days, there will be subjects other than Absolibate's obsession, and bezrasashem it will grow...., and grow...., and grow...., until at last like a fungus it will take over the entire world bwaahahhahhahhah!


WHAT FOLLOWS BELOW ARE THE TEXTS ON ABSOLUTE CELIBACY'S BLOG TO-DATE, WITH THE READER-COMMENTS APPENDED.


Absolute Celibacy

http://absolutecelibacy.blogspot.com/2006/01/absolute-celibacy.html

This blog promotes the true view of Judaism, that according to the Holy Torah, all sexual activity is absolutely forbidden.All sex between all combinations of males and females (one of each, or two of one) absolutely forbidden (see Leviticus 18:22, which forbids sex either with a "zochor" or with an "isha", a male or a female). Furthermore, auto-sexual activity is even forbidden. First of all, anyone who commits masturbatory auto-sexuality is violating Leviticus 18:22, because that person is himself or herself already a "zochor" or "isha". But second of all, there's a specific prohibition against masturbation-- it is for this reason that God struck Onan dead (see Genesis, chapter 38)!I am starting this website to raise the important awareness of this topic.Most Rabbis (emissaries of Satan, some of who are no more than Christians with beards) will tell you that marital sex is permitted, or even encouraged, in Judaism. I have nothing but rage against such sinners!
posted by Absolute Celibacy at 11:50 AM on Jan 17 2006

The Back of the Hill said...
How does an absolute celibate deal with an increase in nocturnal emmission?Constant toivel sayn?
2:40 PM


"Gedoilim Support Abstinence"

http://absolutecelibacy.blogspot.com/2006/01/gedoilim-support-abstinence.html

There are, however, some brave Gedoilim left, who are still willing to stand up for the traditional Jewish view on this important halochic issue.Rav Shlomo Katzenellebogen, of Cleveland and Rav Aharon Millerstein, of Bene Berak, adamently fight for the Torah-true attitude, which is that it is forbidden for any Jew or gentile to ever have sex with anyone. This prohibition is one of the gravest prohibitions in the Torah, and can bring destruction to the world, just as it brought destruction to the world at the time of the great flood at the time of Noach
posted by Absolute Celibacy at 12:02 PM on Jan 17 2006

The back of the hill said...
Zayt azoy git, post links to the writings of harav Katzenellenbogen and the Bnei Brakker.A filndank foroys.
6:45 PM

The back of the hill said...
And also let us know how many kinderlech each rav has fathered.
6:46 PM

Hirshel Tzig said...
and I thought I'd seen and heard everything..............
6:46 PM

respondingtojblogs said...
This site is flame-bait.
9:26 PM


"Castration"

http://absolutecelibacy.blogspot.com/2006/01/castration.html

In many other, goyish religions (which should not be compared to Judaism, lehavdil), even though they recognize the danger of sexuality, they think that the solution is castration.Castration is not the solution! It is clear from numerous passages throughout the Torah-- the Written Torah and the Oral Torah, which really just form two limbs of one soul-- that castration is forbidden.Vayikro 22:24, in Parshas Emor, makes it clear that it is forbidden to castrate an animal (sheep or dog) or a male human. And it is clear from our sages' interpretation in the Oral Law that it is forbidden to castrate a female human, as well.No, Raboisai! To castrate is to run away from the issue of s*xuality by committing another aveiro, not to conquer it. If a man (for example, though also a woman or child, or even an animal) thinks that he can please God by castrating himself, this is wrong! It is like someone who wants to be healthier by losing weight, so he decides to kill his appetite by smoking ciggarettes. Shoiteh! Don't you realize that ciggarettes are just as dangerous to your health as being obese?No, just as the dieter must live and suffer with his appetite, so must the good Jew (or even goy) suffer with the presence of the genitalia, which God created in order to tempt you, but you can receive great reward if you don't give in. The difference, however, between the dieter and the frum Yid, is that the dieter must swear off some food, but still eat a little, whereas the frum Jew must swear off all s*xual satisfaction, whether from a man, a woman, or himself, forever! Always.
posted by Absolute Celibacy at 12:25 PM on Jan 17 2006

Disgruntled Mirrer said...
you've lost your fucking mind.
2:37 PM

Mis-Nagid said...
disgruntled mirrer, no pun intended? :-)
2:38 PM

The Back of the Hill said...
What you're basically saying is that there should've been no generation to enter the holy land after the generation in the wilderness died out. Which makes a lie of the entire Torah mi Sinai idea. Also you imply that the sinful should inherit the earth, as the good should cease procreating altogether. A very novel idea.How do Essenes breed?
2:38 PM

respondingtojblogs said...
Did you lose a ball or something?Besides Jesus, I can't think of a major bibical figure who did not have sex. Of course, according to their point of view, even God got into the act.M-N, LOL.
2:39 PM

Lipman said...
How do Essenes breed?Spontaneous generation.Like this blog.
1:28 PM

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...
This is fascinating:How does the goy's approach differ from the Jews approach according to the sages on this issue of castration?
5:06 PM

FrumGirl said...
Torah can be twisted to support any view. This blog is ridiculous. However, I will prob keep reading cuz it makes me laugh.
8:14 PM



"Sex is not only Assur, but also dangerous!"

http://absolutecelibacy.blogspot.com/2006/01/sex-is-not-only-assur-but-also.html

Rambam, Hilchos Deios 4:19:כל השטוף בבעילה--זקנה קופצת עליו,וכוחו תשש ועיניו כהותוריח רע נודף מפיו ומשחייו;ושיער ראשו וגבות עיניו וריסי עיניו נושר,ושיער זקנו ושחייו ושיער רגליו רובה;ושיניו נופלות.והרבה כאבים חוץ מאלו באין עליו.כה אמרו חכמי הרופאים, אחד מאלף מת בשאר חולאים; והאלף, מרוב התשמיש.Anyone who is engaged in s*xual activity:old age springs upon him [before its time],his strength is depleted,his eyes become dim,a foul odor emanates from his mouth and armpits,the hair of his head, his eyebrows, and his eyelashes fall out,the hair of his beard, armits, and legs grows in abundance,his teeth fall out,and he suffers many pains beyond these.The wise of the doctors have said: One of a thousand dies from other illnesess and a thousand from lots of intercourse.(Translation of Rav. Zeev Abramson and Rav Eliyahu Touger.)
posted by Absolute Celibacy at 12:53 PM on Jan 18 2006

The back of the hill said...
From which we shper that the Rambam knew many with venereal diseases, and we also shper that infection was rife.We live in different times, and know of good hygiene besides.But of course a Fustatian physician would obsess on the unpleasant side-effects of urban living.
1:19 PM

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...
How is sexual activity defined in this context by the sages?
5:03 PM

Anonymous said...
Nishtaneh HaTeva....
11:16 PM

Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...
you got this wrong this quotation deals with male masturbation-a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thingthe first mitsva of the torah is to have sex
12:54 AM

celibacy supporter said...
Datingmaster - WHAT?!You claim masutbation is the first mitzva of the tora??How can you say this! This shows how appalling the influence of television in our country is!!
2:37 AM

FrumGirl said...
CS - Looks like you choose to misunderstand. I wonder why.
7:35 AM

Jack's Shack said...
Sounds like someone needs to engage in a little fornication.
1:01 PM

Anonymous said...
Vus iz mit "pri u'rvi?"
11:00 AM

Thursday, January 19, 2006
Refutation of the Heretic

http://absolutecelibacy.blogspot.com/2006/01/refutation-of-heretic.html

The heretic scum who calls himself "Back of the Hill" has written a post sharply criticizing this one. What's worst of all is that he can't even criticise me seriously, in a way worthy of a Ben Torah. Rather, he mocks me snidely, turning my Torah into a joke!In many places, Mr. "Back of the Hill" falls into the same pattern of argument that all heretics do: quoting out of context.For example, he takes issue with my quoting of the Rambam to show how diabolical s*x is:

Need I point out that the Rambam was married? And had offspring?Perhaps the Rambam was being ironic - certainly not an unusual concept. There's plenty of evidence in the Talmud that scholars knew irony.Or could it be, chosveshalom, that the Rambam may have quarreled with his aishes chayil that day?

I don't even know where to begin pointing out how wrongheaded this is-- but let me start.
First of all, there's no authentic Torah source that tells us that the Rambam was married. Only the historians, who were all either goyim, or non-religious, s*x-practicing Jews, state that Rambam had a wife. And we yeshiva-educated people all know that it's impossible to trust the historians on any matter, especially if they contradict true Torah sources. After all, the historians all contradict each other, and they change their views every few years. A man named Heinrich (Tzvee) Gratz is considered by historical-minded people to be the greatest historian of Judaism, and it is a dovor yadua that he shook hands with women. And you know what shaking hands with women leads to? S*x. But since there's no Torah source that explicitly says that Rambam wasn't married, let's admit to Mr. "Back of the Hill" that he was, indeed, married to a woman or girl.

I'm not even sure that Back of the Hill has been educated at any yeshiva; on his website, he gives a link to something that calls itself "Yeshiva Chipas Emess", but the link leads to a site that is clearly a joke-- a joke in very poor taste.

Now, even if the historians are right (which occasionally happens), there's still no evidence that Rambam actually had s*x with the girl or woman who he married. To do so would have been to violate the clear halocho of Leviticus 18:22.

Back of the Hill mentions "offspring" of the Rambam. The only child that the Rambam is ever claimed to have had was the reputed "Avrohom ben HaRambam". Now, Reb Avrohom, if he even existed, is irrelevant to the issue at hand, because he's clearly not part of our holy Mesoyra, as transmitted to us through the years of poskim.
Rambam himself is clearly part of the Mesoyra-- he is one of the three streams that the Mechabeir used to paskin halocho for us in the Shulchan Oruch. So certainly, the Mishne Torah (the work which I quoted in my earlier post) is an authentic part of the Mesoyra. The supposed "Avrohom ben Harambam" never wrote anything so important, and he's nowhere quoted by the authoritative Beis Yoseif.

To claim that the Rambam was being ironic in a work so serious as the Mishne Torah is downright offensive. It's astounding that anyone would have such gall to impute such a thing to the Rambam. Makes me want to puke. Doesn't Back of the Hill realize that Rambam's Mishne Torah was used by Sfardim for many years as their primary seifer of halocho, and that Teimanim still use it that way? Or does he not care, because he's a koifer, who doesn't even care about halocho? Remember, as the Gaon of Vilna has written, the Rambam wrote every word of the Mishne Torah through ruach hakoydesh. To suggest that he would use irony in a work that he knew (through the ruach hakoydesh) would be used as a halocho seifer by hundreds of millions of people is really impossible. And offensive.

Back of the Hill writes:
Which many of the Tosafists and Chassidei Ashkenaz also believed. Which would explain their objection to his philosophy. It's hard to keep warm in Northern Europe in winter.

I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but it's making fun of Rishonim. If the Rishonim are mocked, then the whole Mesoyra falls appart.

Back of the Hill criticizes my knowledge of other religions:

Do ANY religions think this? Has any one actually met someone like this? Other than the Heaven's Gate cult, that is. Until that unfortunate event with the fliegende tegele they may have been all over the place, even though I never saw them here, but still, they qualify more as erev rav than 'many other'.

Now, I admit that I have not dirtied my hands in the direct study of other religions. However, I have read books and pamphlets by Rabbonim explaining various other religions, and even read the descriptions of the other religions in the Beis Yosef and the Bayis Chodosh on Hilchos Avoda Zora. Lest anyone criticize me of wasting my time with this, note that this, too, counts as a kiyum of the mitzva of Talmud Tora. As the Gemoro states in Maseches Sanhedrin: לא תלמד לעשות, אבל אתה למד להבין ולהורות מה מגונה עבודה זרה זו. "You can't learn foreign religions in order to practice them, but you can learn them in order to understand them and teach others how disgusting they are."

Now, in terms of castration. It is well known that there are many different sects of Christianity. Heaven's Gate is a large one, with about 75 million members. However, they are not the only Christian sect that practices ritual castration or penectomy. Why, the founder of Christianity himself (sheim resho'im yirkav) is claimed to have said: "If your eye offend you, cut it out." It seems pretty clear to me that "eye" here is merely a euphemism for test*cle. Thus, all through the ages, from the founding of Christianity until the Heaven's Gate group of today, many forms of Christianity have practiced widespread castration and other genital mutilation.

Another snide comment of his:
1. This would lead to a total absence of Jews in one generation. Which might please some people immensely.

Oh, this would please you immensely, you little Nazi? I can't believe you just wrote that! Just horrifying. Hashem is crying out for all the Jews of this generation that you want to kill in gas chambers.
posted by Absolute Celibacy at 8:46 PM

7 Comments:

respondingtojblogs said...
Okay, GH. Fun time is over.
12:58 AM

Anonymous said...
This isn't GH. It's funny.
10:16 AM

Yitzchak Goodman said...
Ou've heard of a one-horse town? This is a one-joke blog.
2:05 PM

The back of the hill said...
Heresy lives!
3:51 PM

celibacy supporter said...
I have made a writing mistake in my commentary in the last posting: I mean in your country, not in our country. I have written in OUR country.Barukh hashem I am not in the U.S.A. like Datingmaster. Barukh hashem.
11:03 AM

Anonymous said...
POST MORE!I am still not convinced, please present more material backing your meshune point of view.---Heretic Scum (you know who).
2:52 PM

Chana said...
What in God's name?"Oh, this would please you immensely, you little Nazi? I can't believe you just wrote that! Just horrifying. Hashem is crying out for all the Jews of this generation that you want to kill in gas chambers."Am I to understand you just called 'Back of the Hill' a "little Nazi"? You poor, poor man...
2:20 PM


"Refutation of the Heretic, II"

http://absolutecelibacy.blogspot.com/2006/01/refutation-of-heretic-ii_113808095863303826.html

I see that the heretic "Back of the Hill" has come back to roast me in another post.Let me now criticize his roasting, and thereby show honor to the Torah and to Hashem Yisborach.Ironically, his latest post consists mainly of quotes of my Torah (he quotes my entire post inside his), with only occasional comments by him. I pray to Hashem that He allow many people to find my quoted words on his blog, and thereby be led to derech Torah.

I wrote: Only the historians, who were all either goyim, or non-religious, s*x-practicing Jews, state that Rambam had a wife."

Back of the Hill" responded: Unlike frummy bonk-jobs who advocate absolute celibacy.

What about us? You call us names, but indeed, we are quite unlike the secular historians, who engage in aveiros such as s*x and p*rk.I wrote: And we yeshiva-educated...."

Back of the Hill" responded: Which Yeshiva?

Would you be happier I had specified that I learned mainly by Rav Katzenellenbogen (in Cleveland), and also spent a little bit of time at the Mir?

I wrote: You know what shaking hands with women leads to? S*x."

Back of the Hill" responded: And kissing causes pregnancy, begorah. How does his sex-life negate his scholarship?

As bad as kissing between a man and a woman is, how can you say that it causes pregnancy? Perhaps you don't know the difference between leads to and causes? No, I didn't think you knew the difference.And as to "his sex-life negate his scholarship": we people in the field of Torah understand how the entire character of someone is holistic, and related to his kochos ha-nefesh. If their is a blemish in one part of a person's character, the other parts can't be trusted, either.

You secular people believe in all sorts of divisions, which are not authentic to Torah. I pray to Hashem that he enlighten you soon."

Back of the Hill" wrote: "ve'et zachar lo tishkav mishkevei isha to'eva hiv" - this means that you should not lie with a man LIKE with a woman, NOT that you should not lie with man NOR woman. If you have any doubts about this interpretation, I strongly suggest that you reread the commentaries - Rashi would be a good choice.

You clearly do not understand the Chazalic methods of Medrash Halacha: the inclusion of the mention of משכבי אשה shows that sleeping with a woman is included in this prohibition. And we do not paskin from Rashi's commentary on the chumash."

Back of the Hill" wrote: I had NO idea that the Mechaber was a historian

I never said he was a historian. Chas ve-shalom that he would have been a historian (goyishe profession). All I said was that he is authoritative! You just have such a secular mind that when you hear "authoritative", all you can think of is "historian".
posted by Absolute Celibacy at 9:16 PM on Jan 23 2006

Anonymous said...
Another marvelous posting! Shkoiyach!Alas, I fear I may not have time to counterargue (or simply take potshots at) your fine posting today, for which I apologize, but I will certainly do so tomorrow.---Heretic Scum
3:28 PM

celibacy supporter said...
I do not understand why you make fun out of this person. This is a central point of Jewry. This is why I turned to Jewry religion though I was born a Jew. (I was raised a Catholic but they put celibacy artificial only for priests, and when I studied more of the basis of Catholic which is Jewish, I found the same conclusions!
2:29 PM

Anonymous said...
Tayere Celibacy Supporter, Do you mean to say that you intend to ignore the imperative to go forth and procreate?Pru urvu means nothing to you?Well, no offense, but that's probably a wise choice.And what is this 'Jewry' of which you speak? Surely it is not what the rest of us think of when we consider Torah and Talmud based montheism.---Heretic Scum
2:47 PM

Anonymous said...
Tayere AbsoCelibate and CeliSupporter, I have written a new posting, which you might find interesting. It's all about SEX!http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/01/pru-urvu.htmlGrisn, ---Heretic Scum
4:46 PM

celibacy supporter said...
But the imperative to go forth and procreate was only when G-d has created the world! Now there are enough people in the world for this imperative and we don't have to worry about people in the world that they are many!You ask what is the Jewry I mean. It is the real Jewry which is only the foundamation of distorted sects like cristaos and not really orthodox Jewry.And please explain why a s-x cult must be monotheist! Why do you think this?
3:03 AM

Anonymous said...
Tayere Celibortionist, My words were "Talmud based montheism", not 'monotheist sex cult' (although that sounds interesting too).Surely you do not mean to imply that Rabbanite Judaism is a monotheist sex cult? I thought that particular Russian superstition had disappeared.

TALMUD! TALMUD! TALMUD! TALMUD! TALMUD!
TALMUD! TALMUD! TALMUD! TALMUD! TALMUD!

[Time for toivel sein, ooh.]

Yes, there are many people in the world. But if all maintained celibacy, in only a few decades there would be none.If Jews maintained celibacy, in only a few decades there would be none.And you and Absolibate would then be all alone in the cold dark night.Grisn, ---Heretic Scum
8:50 PM

celibacy supporter said...
"Heretic Scum", you write"montheism" all the time, so that I am suspicious that this is on purpose. Are you in reality a moon worshipper? This would explain your strange obscene s*x ideas about our holy Jewry religion!

And you write"Surely you do not mean to imply that Rabbanite Judaism is a monotheist s*x cult? I thought that particular Russian superstition had disappeared."

I can assure you that I am not Russian. (I am Bresilian.) and I think exactly the opposite: Rabbanite Judaism is NOT a s*x cult. That is what you don't understand.

Further on you write"Yes, there are many people in the world. But if all maintained celibacy, in only a few decades there would be none."

Who says that? Can you tell the future? We'll have to wait and see. And anyway, Mashiach will come if we all behave like the tora has told us.
11:06 AM
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[Please note: This is as far as it's gotten, as of 8:35 PM, Tuesday January 31st. 2006.
Anything further will necessitate a new posting.]